Hi all, i guess i'm a newbie here...
My husband is a musician (not as a job or anything) he has many expensive guitars and other musical gear, half of which are never used and take up space. For some reason he still needs more?!... and continues to buy them. The only reason this bothers me is I have 2 kids, and he won't take us anywhere or do anything with them, every time there is any extra funds it goes to more crap that he doesn't need. We don't talk most of the time. He gets upset with me if I make butter or soap because it costs more than buying it. I just don't understand how that's fair? I make my own clothing, and i don't ask him for much...I just find myself more and more depressed. I wish i could make him understand what he's doing to us.
My husband is a musician (not as a job or anything) he has many expensive guitars and other musical gear, half of which are never used and take up space. For some reason he still needs more?!... and continues to buy them. The only reason this bothers me is I have 2 kids, and he won't take us anywhere or do anything with them, every time there is any extra funds it goes to more crap that he doesn't need. We don't talk most of the time. He gets upset with me if I make butter or soap because it costs more than buying it. I just don't understand how that's fair? I make my own clothing, and i don't ask him for much...I just find myself more and more depressed. I wish i could make him understand what he's doing to us.
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Pennsylvania
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Re: keeping me down
Fri, August 31, 2007 - 10:17 AMCyran,
You perfectly described my first marriage, except we had three kids! You deserve better we all do. He won't chance unless he wants to. And he probably doesn't love you that much. Ouch. Sorry. Ouch. Do not settle.
"You are not truly married if you fear divorce." that is what I told myself at the time and I was right. I wasn't really experiencing loving partnership and I never had (at that point). Life is hard at times but do not give up. Follow your bliss (free of materialism)!
I have been happily united for 9 years now to someone who adores me copiously and I am thrilled about him too.
Kamalla
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Re: keeping me down
Fri, August 31, 2007 - 10:54 AMthis is my second marriage.... I'm 24! I just don't want to go through it again. I must have a big @$$hole magnet on my forehead. I do want to try to make it work, but everything i say doesn't seem to matter much, and I know I can't make him try to work things out if it's not in him to do so.
uhg...what to do. ;( -
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Re: keeping me down
Thu, September 13, 2007 - 10:41 AMwhat to do?
leave him. soon.
you're young and you have your whole life a head of you. you deserve better than what you've got. hmmmm... let me say that again. you DESERVE more than what you've settled for!!!!!
i'm 43 and have found my partner two months ago. it took me this long and through several disasterous relationships, but finding that mate who loves you back like you know you deserve in incomparable!
sending you strength... -
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Unsu...
Re: keeping me down
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 7:15 PMDONT tell that Woman to leave Her Husband DAVID! YOU NEED TO GROW THE HELL UP DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unsu...
Re: keeping me down
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 4:15 PMHow about if You and Youre Husband start seeing a Marage Counselor to try to work things out?
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Re: keeping me down
Sun, September 30, 2007 - 12:54 PMYour scared of him, to scared to say - No more fucking guitars, more time with kids....... they guy wants to be bono or something, get pissed at least try that route. Tell him just what you wrote here, and tell him your not happy, if he blames you or gets real mad, leave him with all his amps and petals and go find a flower. -
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Re: keeping me down
Mon, October 1, 2007 - 5:02 AMyoure 24 sweety, that still soo young.. and yes, you probably do have a "I love assholes" on your forehead.. the good news is: you are realising it, and you can change it. What you have to do is take that sign down, stand up for wat you know is right,- and then maybe he will also grow into a more mature and caring person...
My guess he is too still yooung, and young men are on the whole quite selfish../self involved.. which can be quite endearing, if you dont have two kiddies and many responsibilities you need to shoulder together.
Get help with this process, get councelling, or homeopathy, kinesiology can help.. get that inner strength up. You've got it sweetheart, otherwise you wouldnt be complaining to us about it.
Dont just up and leave him,- because if you havent taken that sign down, someone else will step in his place,- and then your life will get unbearably complicated and uncomfortable..
Much strength to you Sista,- you can do it.
"If we envy something, it means it is unfulfilled potential in ourselves.. Otherwise how else could we recognize it as desirable?"
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Re: keeping me down
Tue, March 25, 2008 - 8:33 AMI feel for you. As a musician myself I keep on buying gear I rarely use, so honestly, it can become an addiction. However, I really talk it through with my partner, and make a point of not touching any family-money, but my own personal savings. You're very young and, as I see, you have lots of skills and are a self-starter. My suggestion is that you write down your "grieves" and then sit him down to talk. Take him to a public place where you will not be disturbed or interrupted by kids or phone calls. The objective is clear: make him aware of what you thing and present him with two solutions: either you renegociate your home economy "covenant" or you'll considere divorcing. It's hard: entice the help of a good friend or a professional coach/adviser. Best of lucks! -
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Unsu...
Re: keeping me down
Thu, March 27, 2008 - 7:16 AMI dont know about that Manel. I still think My Marrage Counselor idea is best.The Marrage Counselor can act as a Meedeator to kind of "keep the Peace".
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Re: keeping me down
Thu, March 27, 2008 - 12:57 PMMy mom has a long history of picking self-centered, selfish assholes who really could care less about her or us (her kids). Each one has eventually ended in disaster. I am pretty young myself and probably shouldn't be offering advice but I feel I have some real experience with regard to this particular issue. You need to confront him and make absolutely certain that he hears your concerns; then issue an ultimatum-- shape up or ship out. My bet is (and I really hate to say this) he's not going to change. People just don't change all that much. Sure they can fake it for a while but eventually he is going to slip back into the real him, which is what you are probably experiencing now. There is a whole other world out there and you are still so very young. Don't waste the short precise time we have here on earth called "live" sucking up to uncaring, unloving people.
Love ya,
G
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Unsu...
Re: keeping me down
Fri, March 28, 2008 - 2:59 PMWell Gwen, I dont think this "short and pecise Time We have"thing that You mentioned is true anymore. I mean with all the research that has been done on Aging on the cellular and sub-cellular level and the efforts to better control the Aging prosses and extend the Human Lifespan, I believe that the average Human Lifespan is going to increace dramatically! I read that People born in the Year 2,006 could Live to be 150 Years old! -
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Re: keeping me down
Thu, April 3, 2008 - 7:15 PMeww... who would want to live for 150 years... im happy with 40 years.....
seriously its only prolonging your death, its not living... the age age of maturation for humans is about 21 years and currently the bosy remakes itself every 7years...7, 14, 21... birth childhood too adulthood, 21-42 should be procreation nurturing setting children off and then to the final stroke , every one who want to live forever is an imbecile , you dont need too, thats why you have children and thats why they have children, some species of boar actually have a tooth that grows into their brain to make sure they die at a nice ripe age no matter what the health so that they are not a food and territory competitor for their children.... we need a big death tooth.... -
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Unsu...
STOP PISSING ME OFF DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 3:47 PMTHATS SICK!!!!!!!!!! FIRST OF ALL,....there is AN ENORMOS DIFFERENCE between Living a very long time(150 Years) and actually Living FOREVER!!!! The Sun is going to burn ittself out in about 6 Billion Years and even THATS not Forever!!!!!!!!! And YOURE CONCEPT Living longer is just prolonging Death and is not really Living is EXTREMELY STUPID,IGNORANT,IMMATURE,CONDECENDING,AND INSULTING!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND PEOPLE THAT WANT TO LIVE FOREVER ARE NOT IMBECILES YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!!!!!!! NOW GET A DAMN LIFE YOU IGNORANT DEUCHEBAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
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Re: STOP PISSING ME OFF DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 6:03 PMtracking your immature and judgemental posts across numerous tribes reveals that you're either an immature 14 year old or suffer from serious emotional and psychological imbalances. hope you get some help soon. meanwhile learn to treat people with some respect. -
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Unsu...
Life Is A Sacred Gift!!
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 7:04 PMLife is a SACRED GIFT and should damn-well be TREATED as such!!! And there is nothing immature about THAT!!!! Peaple that adopt that IGNORANT AND IMMATURE DEATHIST PHOLOSOPHY are EXTREMELY STUPID AND IGNORANT!!!!!!
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Unsu...
Re: STOP PISSING ME OFF DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 7:07 PMI WILL TREAT PEOPLE WITH RESPECT WHEN THEY TREAT ME WITH RESPECT!!!!!!! PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT MY OPINIONS!!ANYONE THAT SAYS OTHERWISE IS A DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unsu...
Re: STOP PISSING ME OFF DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 7:13 PMAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,..EXUSE ME DAVID,.....But I was only DEFENDING MYSELF AGAINST A PERSONAL AND DIRECT ATTACK AGAINST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM A VERY FIRM ADVOCATE FOR EXTREME LIFE EXTENTION AND I VERY STRONGLY INSIST THAT THAT BE RESPECTED REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!!!!!!!!!!! Now thats just the way I AM and NOTHING COULD EVER CHANGE THAT!!!!! SO PISS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
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Re: STOP PISSING ME OFF DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 8:28 PMlike i said, get some help young man, you need it. -
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Unsu...
Abusive Bullshit,...
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 9:04 PMAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,...NO!!!! I will NOT tolorate ABUSIVE BULLSHIT from YOU or ANYONE ELSE for that matter!!!! And I will NOT change the way I am!! And I will NOT change the way I THINK eather!!! As said in theese Song Lyrics:,... Its My Life,and ILLdo what I want. Its My Mind,and ILL Think what I want!!!! -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.Unsu...
Re: Abusive Bullshit,...
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 9:08 PMSome more realavent Song Lyrics:,....Dont tell Me who Im sposed to be, dont tell Me what Im sposed to do.One thing I know for sure is true,Im not You!! From the song "Im Not You"as sung by The Kennedys.
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Unsu...
Re: keeping me down
Mon, April 7, 2008 - 1:40 PMPEOPLE THAT ARE AGAINST LIFE EXTENSION ARE TOTAL AND COMPLEATE IMBICELS WHETHER YOU CHOSE TO BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! -
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Re: keeping me down
Tue, May 6, 2008 - 7:10 AMWHERE THE HELL IS THE MODERATOR????
Calling names is the most childish thing a person can do! Why are people even bothering arguing with a person who seems to be so close-minded? ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE
I don't know why I am even responding to this, it is apparent that this Moon... whatever person does not actually listen, and is always thinking that he need to defend himself. -
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Re: keeping me down
Tue, May 6, 2008 - 10:23 AM"Moonbeam" -- you can see the full name of the person posting by moving your mouse over their name or picture. Just a helpful fyi. :)
Yeah, the heart-sleeving seems to have derailed the thread too... there've been moments when I was feeling vulnerable or maybe just overwhelmed and reacted to forum threads or list mail in a similar way. I like to think they've been short lived and far between. And I try to recognize when I've done it simply because I was having a bad day or there was something else bothering me.
I've also had my share of problems in relationships... I spent 9 years with a woman I was really incompatible with. Tiff and I are pretty compatible -- our biggest problem has been money (which seems to be an issue for the op "Moon" too). Tiff and I have been together since 2001 and she hasn't had a paying job in that time for various reasons -- she's got a bad back, she's phobic of driving so she never got a license and doesn't drive, and both of those things decrease her chances of getting a job working with animals like she wants to... not to mention that animal work in general is flooded with people vying for a very small number of jobs, none of which pay very well to begin with. It's been frustrating, particularly when I suggest something she could do at home and she shoots it down, but I mostly just focus on myself and recently am trying to do a few different things to generate separate sources of income. I'm trying to sell comic strips for example and hoping that if I can get a little cash together I can buy a SpaceWalk to rent out on the evenings and weekends.
I'm not sure if any of that is helpful in any way. Maybe you can take something valuable away from it. :)
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